How To Date
she is captivating. But she is mysterious. Something lies beneath the surface that draws you to her…and sometimes, it’s her melancholy. She is everything you’ve ever dreamed of, but she’s struggled with seeing herself as as the perfection that she is. She loves you back, but is terrified that you’ll judge her for revealing the darkness of her past, and is still learning how to love herself properly. Here’s how you can help.
1. Tell her she is beautiful more than you think she wants to hear it.
2. And that you don’t think her scars make her any less beautiful.
3. If you see her snapping rubber bands on her wrist, take them off and hold her close to you. It’s a sign she’s trying to calm herself down.
4. Don’t be angry if she relapses- guilt tripping is a no-no, since making her feel worse about what she did will only instigate her urges further.
5. A lot of the time, self-harming is a result of PTSD, and triggers can provoke it. Have a conversation about what those triggers are so that you’re not as caught off guard when they happen, and you can be her safety net.
6. You can’t ‘fix her’, but you can keep loving her, which is the first step to her permanent healing.
7. A therapist that she can bond with and feel as safe as she feels around you is the second.
8. Remind her that she is not alone, and along with being loved, she is worthy of love.
9. Self-harming can be a mechanism against being vulnerable. Let her know that it’s ok to be emotional so that she doesn’t repress it and feel the urge to self-harm.10. Self-harming can be a manifestation of someone who feels like they’re not in control – if you see a situation spiraling, talk about the ways that she can make herself feel in control in order to avoid hurting herself.11. She used self-harming as way to numb herself to pain – don’t be afraid to probe under the surface a little if you sense that the numbing process is going on.12. Avoid designation of blame when you guys fight. Work on communication – self-harming can be a form of punishing oneself when blame is assigned.13. Don’t trivialize it as some emotional female thing or regard her as a dramatic teenager because of the media’s portrayal of it or some preconceived notion.